She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
