I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
