Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hippo gnu deer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
