Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
