Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
