What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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