I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
