Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
