he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
