i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
