Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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