Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You're like the curious george of whores
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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