Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
