he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
