Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
