Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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