I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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