I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
