So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You were trust falling into bushes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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