so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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