did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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