I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
