i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
