That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
