lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
