The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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