Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A+ Viking dick
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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