No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
