Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
