If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
