I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
