by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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