I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You work out of a Hotel?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
