I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
