never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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