My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
