Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
