I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
