marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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