Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
