what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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