I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
