How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
