last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
