ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
