Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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