respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i think i just lost a toe
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
