i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
