she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
