wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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