Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
