4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
