Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
